Just one more thing...

(Title to be read in the voice of Columbo)

Hi friends.

It's been a while.

More than a while.  It's been a year and two months.

I felt like there was one more issue that I needed to discuss.  An issue that affects more expats than we like to admit, because we all think we're going to be the ones to stay on the "right" side of statistics.

And that, dear readers, is the issue of divorce.

Living in a new country, in a place where the language is different and the rules for everything are different... Well, it will make a person question nearly everything.  Being newly married also does the same, but being newly married and in a new country is far more intense a crucible than some relationships can handle.  If you're not careful, or if both parties aren't completely honest beforehand about what they want (for themselves, for the other person, and for the relationship as a whole), the issues magnify quickly.

As difficult as it is, I think this can be a good thing.

As much as divorce can be truly awful, it's just as awful to stay in a relationship that should not continue.  I firmly believe that if a relationship is going to go wrong, it's best that it happen after only a couple of years, instead of waiting for all of the issues to slowly bubble to the surface.

So that both parties can move on to happier things.

I won't go into the process of how the whole thing works, as ours may have been unique, since I live in the US now.  Suffice it to say, it's a long, emotional process.

But I have been lucky.  When I moved back to the US, I decided to try living somewhere new, and it is a decision that I have not regretted for a second.  I've been happier here in Seattle than I can ever remember being, and I have found scores of amazing friends who have been incredibly supportive and just downright amazing.

Is it possible to feel blessed if you're not even remotely religious?  Maybe not, but I do feel grateful.

Divorce is hard.  Neither party usually comes out of it looking particularly good.  But it definitely forces you to take a hard look at yourself and the kind of person you want to be going forward, and the kinds of people you want to surround yourself with.  And as someone who has always been an advocate of self-honesty, I think that's a wonderful thing.

I say all of this mostly to give you hope.  Those of you who are struggling with a relationship that is struggling to handle the crucible.

My advice is this - Do what you can to make it work, but also recognize when you've done all you can.  And then find somewhere that makes you truly happy, and people who make you feel grateful to be alive every day, and hold onto those things.  Change is scary, but being stuck in a bad situation is even scarier.

I flew to Denmark one last time this past weekend, and my divorce became official yesterday.

And I'm okay.  I'm more than okay.

You will be also be okay.

And you will be a wiser, more confident person than you ever thought you could be.

And those are invaluable things.

Good luck to you, reader.  I hope you find the things that make you happiest and that you get to enjoy those things for the rest of your life.

Social Media Saves Minds

Facebook is my lifeline.

Seriously, it's helping to keep me sane.

If you're planning on moving abroad and are not on Facebook, I recommend that you change that right now.

I understand that a lot of folks don't really like Facebook and social media and how it makes internet stalkers out of people, and keeps you informed of mundane daily activities of people you barely know.  But the value it has for an expat is immeasurable.

Before moving, I went hunting all over the internet for forums and information for expats living in Denmark.  I did find a few forums that have occasionally been helpful.  Specifically, Expat Blog and Foreigners in Denmark.  But neither has been as instantly helpful as the Americans in Denmark group on Facebook and its various offshoots (there's a group for moms, and a group for folks who don't want to talk politics, among others).

Before moving, I posted countless questions in those groups, looking for information about everything from how to get legal residency to where to get my hair done and how to adopt pets.  My questions were always answered quickly and thoroughly, and I was always grateful.

And now that I'm here, I've been able to meet up with some of the folks from those groups. Already, I've met up with three amazing gals who have taken the time to show me around areas of Copenhagen that I hadn't seen yet, and to tell me their stories and give me their insights into the best way to approach a move to Denmark.

This early on, when I still have moments that my brain goes on the fritz from trying to decipher too much Danish, it's a breath of fresh air to hear a familiar accent from someone who has been in my shoes.

Plus, in a country where it is notoriously slow process to make friends with the locals, it's really great to feel that I have a head-start by making friends with the Americans.

Just a Little Bit of Expat Love

Just wanted to post a little hello and a thank you to my expat readers.  

The process of figuring out the best way forward when I get to Denmark is still both daunting and frustrating.  I've signed up for a couple of expat forums and Facebook groups in the hopes of gaining some insight before I make the big leap.

So far, pretty much everyone who has responded to my inquiries, whether it be about school or language learning or immigration/residency rules, has been extraordinarily kind and helpful. 

I imagine most of them were in my shoes at one point as well.  A little scared, very excited, and completely confused by the process.  

I still have a lot to sort out, but I'm feeling optimistic at the moment.

So, again, a big thank you to the expats for being lovely.

The Hunt for Expats

It was suggested by my fiance that I may want to try to make contact with the expat community in Denmark, both now and after we move to Copenhagen.

He's so reasonable, that fiance of mine.

So, that's what I've done.  I've run around the intertubes hunting for expat forums.  I've really only found one that seems all that active, but I'm looking forward to chatting with other expats about their experiences with moving abroad.

So far it seems that all of the expats I've had interactions with have been very kind and helpful, which is definitely reassuring.  While my instinct while I'm still in America is to say that I should spend all of my time with Danes so that I can immerse myself in the language and the culture to learn it more quickly...

I know I'll feel homesick soon enough and need an American or two to talk True Blood and bitch about Taylor Swift with.