The Stagnancy of Contradictions

I'm afraid of failure.

Also, I'm afraid of success.

Where does that leave me?  A lot of the time it leaves me immobile.  It also makes me really frustrating to myself and the people around me.  I have a bad habit of coming up with big ideas, getting really excited about them, half implementing them, and then talking myself out of them.

It's not a new thing at all.  I thought I wanted to be a singer and an actress until I was 20.  And then right before graduating from a musical theater conservatory, I got scared.  Of success, of failure.  And now I don't sing anymore, other than in the car.  I can't even convince myself to sing at home, for fear that the neighbors might hear.

I was always insecure in front of an audience, but at least I could convince myself to do it anyway.  I can't even do that anymore.  It's frustrating, because singing is still something that I wish I could do more of.  If not for a living, at least as a hobby.

It's that feeling of not being good enough.  At anything.  And, strangely, the fear of being complimented if I do end up being good at it.  The fear of not knowing how to respond graciously.

The question is, then, how do I move forward?

My fiance and my family have always been supportive.  I guess I just need my confidence back.

Or I need to find it in the first place.